When Crisis Escalates

In the last couple years, mental illness has robbed me of everything I’ve enjoyed and everything I worked hard to have. After two suicide attempts and three hospitalizations I was given a Social Worker. She has ensured that my social security disability application has been filled out and that all requests have been met. She has ensured that I get to all of my appointments. She has gotten me into psychotherapy, group therapy, and a psychiatrist. She has ensured that I have coverage through Medicaid. Come this Tuesday, she will ensure that I get into a shelter for abused and homeless women.

My parents have kicked me out for the second time because they cannot endure my mental illness. This time, they have disowned me all together. They’ve gone as far as changing the locks.

I have been in communication with my mother in regards to my pets. I have two cats and one dog. For the last 7 years all of my friends have been made aware that when my pets are gone, I will end my life. My pets are the one constant that I have always been able to count on. Friends, boyfriends, and family have all come and gone but they have been in my life for better or worse every day. My mother said that she would take care of them until I could find housing.

Today she messaged me saying that my sister has a friend that could provide a good home for my Short hair Oriental, Louie Vuitton. Immediately I was overcome with the worst panic. Of course she can find a home for Louis Vuitton, he’s an $800 cat! I immediately responded and told her “NO.” This entire time she’s told me she has no problem keeping them and I’ve told her from the start that if she can’t keep them I need to know because I have a friend that will take care of them, keep them safe, and most importantly, return them when I find housing.

She tried to argue with me about how I couldn’t trust my friend to not lose them, but I’m supposed to expect this stranger to be a good home? No. My boyfriend and I are now working as fast as we can to locate a vehicle to remove my cats and take them the 60 miles north to my best friend. There is no better person to watch over my babies. This is my best friend. She has nursed animals back to life from Parvo. She has never lost a pet. She won’t lock them away in a room, they will have free roam.

I am so offended. I am offended that my mother would suggest that my best friend is not a good care taker. I am offended that my mother would attempt to rehome my pets. She has no right to rehome them.

Growing up in my family there was one lesson that I learned, you do anything for your pets. My family loves their pets more than each other. The fact that she would attempt to ensure I could never see mine again, means that the family ties are cut. She had to of only wanted to hurt me because she knew that’s exactly what it would do. She must have wanted to ensure I knew, there was never going to be a relationship for me there.

I had called my social worker on Friday because I needed help in explaining to my psychiatrist that I need help with my medication. My medication is not working and that takes time, I know. However, my PTSD is so severe and my anxiety is so high that I cannot wait without some assistance. My attacks have become so intense that I cannot focus. My psychiatrist said he didn’t want to adjust my medications until Monday when he can see me… they told me I’d have to wait. But it’s not waiting, it’s suffering. And thanks to my mom, there is now no come down for me. I cannot help but worry, what if she gets rid of my pets before I can get to them this week? I will never be okay again if she does. I am very disappointed in my psychiatrist for not helping me. I would check into the hospital but I can’t because if I do then I won’t be able to get my pets to safety.

Here I was already suffering with panic attacks due to my upcoming enrollment in a homeless shelter. I am worried that I won’t feel safe. And while I am so concerned already with my safety, she threatens it. She threatened my weakest point and instigated my demise. How could that not have been done maliciously?

She posts text from the Bible on her Facebook every day. And I have one she should see.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” – James 4:12

When Jesus was persecuted, he was made to carry his cross to the top of the mountain. He fell doing so and they made someone help him carry it. We are not meant to shoulder the weight of our cross alone but with compassion. I wish I had that compassion in my family.

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